Weird jobs

Last week I got together with some relatives whom I don’t get to see very often. The occasion was not the most fun but we did find time to discuss, laugh and talk about something else than the reason why were all gathered that day.

My relatives have never really understood what I do for a living. I’ve told them 300 times but they never seem to remember it. Who can blame them since I barely understand what I do myself and I have had my share of strange jobs throughout the years! It would have been easier if I’d been a doctor, a teacher, a sales-person or even a stripper for crying out loud. They get really confused. My grandmother asked me a few years ago if my Russian studies were still interesting, while in fact, I was studying American literature. (although I did study Russian briefly when I was in high-school).

Last week, a distant cousin asked me if I was still selling coffee in German supermarkets. The question puzzled me at first but I suddenly remembered that I actually did sell Italian coffee in German supermarkets. How crazy was that? How crazy was I?

I remember it was in 1992, I had a whole summer break from university, I jumped on a train to this destination with an exotic name: WUPPERTAL, learned some basic German with some self-study book on the train and started touring Germany selling Italian coffee. I did that for two months and made A LOT OF money! The French accent thing does work in Germany as well and was definitely a great customer magnet, although some were disappointed that I wasn’t Italian.

I wonder how I’ve had time to do all that. Especially considering that I’m 33 years old (a real spring-chicken in other words!) and that I’ve been with the same company for 10 years! I did most of these weird jobs when I was still a student. It was fun, varied. I guess the variation and the fun end when you start a career.

- I cleaned rooms at a hotel in Wyoming (very Brokeback Mountain-ish innit?)
- I was later promoted to bus-boy! (How successful am I?)
- I worked as a Swedish-French interpreter at a soccer cup (very butch)
- In the Navy, I taught French officers to read and write (unbelievable but true!)
- I played in a Danish and a Swedish movie (although it wasn’t the kind of movie you’re thinking about!). The Swedish movie was a short film made by an Egyptian movie maker that nobody has ever heard about. I was a waiter in a Stockholm restaurant, he saw me and asked whether I wanted to play the leading role in his new film. I was highly sceptical but accepted after he told me I really looked like Sean Connery. The movie was a flop and the director never managed to sell it. The plot: I had an alcoholic wife whom I beat in the sofa on a regular basis out of some kind of therapeutic proof of love.
- I taught English to a group of 25 eighty-year old French ladies (I know it’s hard to believe it considering all the mistakes I make in this blog!) Gee, these women were OUT OF CONTROL!
- In Sweden again, for a few months I played the French lover in a radio soap-opera. My part, basically, was to say “Oh mon amour je t’aime” or “I want to make luuv to you on zeu beach” with a very thick French accent. It didn’t go much deeper than that. The program is still aired in Sweden despite its poor quality!
- I did street surveys for some obscure company, asking people to sign up for free apartments-in-Mallorca-kind-of-contest. Many people were totally ripped-off because of me and I never got paid.
- The Swedish government used me as a successful example of integration of a foreigner in the country. I had to tour various schools and exile-centers to show poor Kurds and Iraqis how easy it was to integrate in their new country. I had made it so why not they? To this day, I’m still really ashamed of this experience.
- I gave theater lessons to a bunch of kids although I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do.
- Back when I still had hair and cheek bones that showed, I had a brief and unsuccessful modelling career for a leather store in Spain. I had to catwalk wearing 1989-style leather jackets in front of tourists to make them buy the coats. The company asked me to look the old women in eyes and openly flirt with them as I was sashaying since they were the ones making the decision. A few German grannies asked to have their picture taken beside me! Some benefited from the picture session to discreetly touch my tushy.

Now, I'm sure you've also had your share of weird jobs, right?

(The pictures above were taken by Favorite Mr. B a few weeks ago at the Palais de Tokyo, Modern Art Museum in Paris and have absolutely nothing to do with this post, as you may have noticed).