I'm an angry bitch in Paris

10 things that pissed me off this morning:

1) The old racist bitch who lives on the 1st floor asked me if I hadn't been bothered by the "awful smell of Oriental food coming from the ground floor last night", "these people cook exotic food that attracts cockroaches, you know!". I replied with a smile that I didn't know as I was having gay sex all night at some black junky's place(which is a lie... 'cos he wasn't black, but she doesn't need to know).

2) It's official, my mother has reincarnated into a scale and the instrument looked like it was laughing at me and making me feel guilty when I weighed myself this morning.

3) Why do people with bad breath sit around me in the métro and why haven't they heard that a morning cigarette on an empty stomach really makes it worse?And

4) Why do Japanese tourists always travel with 350 other people and occupy the whole sidewalk, I mean bless them, they're sweet but why does it take them 3o minutes to realize that somebody very stylish, busy and important is trying to go to work, as he's already 3 hours late?

5) The HR manager asked me this morning if I had been smoking the carpet (fumé la moquette, meaning are you high?) as I looked tired and said nasty things all morning.

6) I realized that birthday presents have become 50% more expensive over-night.

7) I had a 2% raise this morning. Impressive!

8) I'm in the red at the bank and it's the beginning of the month.

9) I managed to step in a dog's shit on Paris's fanciest sidewalk.

10) My birthday's in 2 days and I've bought myself way too many presents.

And how are you all feeling this morning?